You are Beautiful, No matter what they say!

Beauty comes in all shapes, sizes, and colours. Dictionary.com defines beauty as “the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, colour, sound, etc), a meaningful design or patter, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).”

We live in a society so influenced by the media, that most of us have forgotten the definition of beauty. Turn on the TV, flip the pages of magazines or take a look at the billboards around the city all you see is size DOUBLE ZERO models. And if you are anything other than a size double zero, 5 foot 7, and have flawless skin that is nice and tan, there is something seriously wrong with you. Or at least that’s what the media tries to portray. That’s the sad reality. Girls from a very young age get the idea that beauty is being skinny. And for those who don’t fit into this category, which is the majority of us, will develop insecurities. As ridiculous as that sounds, it is very true. We grow up believing that if we are not skinny then we are not pretty. Since when did being thin begin to define the word beauty?

How common is it to hear girls saying “I am so short”, “I am too dark”, “I don’t like my thighs”, “If only I was 20 lbs lighter”. Okay they may not say it out loud in public, but I think it’s safe to say that they are constantly saying this to themselves and putting themselves down.

Media has been portraying girls that are ‘size zero” “tall” and “lean” being the new ‘beautiful’. This creates an enormous inferiority complex on each and every single normal girl. What is portrayed in media as being sexy or beautiful, is nowhere near what reality holds. It is actually disgusting to be that skinny. Nobody has flawless skin including those models themselves. When we look at a billboard model with that flawless skin, and the body to die for, us girls, generally forget that those pictures have probably gone through photoshop at least a couple of time. We automatically go “wow she is beautiful”, and “I will never be able to look like that.” We put ourselves down and probably become depressed for a little while.

Sometimes it is not about how media makes us feel about ourselves, but about the image that media makes society believe is the ‘right’ image. What I mean by that is: because media portrays size zero as the norm, now people expect you to be really thin; if not, you are called various derogatory names and bullied. Girls are mean to other girls. It makes them forget that beauty is NOT just skin deep.

It is no wonder that rates for depression and eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa is still so prevalent among young adolescent girls. And it’s no surprise that media is probably the number one contributor. If we are not putting ourselves down, others are. Either way, we feel bad about ourselves, hate our body and take drastic measures to try and fit in with the norm.

Us girls, need to remember that we are beautiful. It doesn't matter if you are size 0, or size 10, or heck even size 16 and above, we have to stop and let our dress size define the word beautiful. We have to stop putting down on other girls who are beautiful.

Don’t get me wrong, being overweight is not healthy, and neither is being underweight. But being overweight or underweight has nothing to do with being beautiful. Each and every one of us possesses the quality of being beautiful. We just have to believe it. We have to look at ourselves and say I am beautiful, no matter what they say. Because it’s true. We need to stop falling in the traps that media has created. If you are a little over weight, and want to shed a few pounds than bravo to you, that’s beauty in itself. But do it for the health benefits, not because you think it’s going to make you beautiful. Because darling you already are beautiful.

Today, I was just minding my own business and studying at the library. And I could not believe what I witnessed. A girl bullying another girl. One girl, a little chubbier, was sitting on a chair that was pulled out blocking the path way. So the skinnier girl who wanted to pass through said “move it fat @##.” Why are we so mean to each other? It was so heart breaking. The girl packed up her stuff and left the library. I cannot imagine what she must have felt when she heard another girl similar to her age group, talk to her in such a derogatory way.

 I am by no means skinny, and yes I probably need to shed a couple pounds to be healthier. But you know what, that doesn't define my beauty. How can someone who doesn't know me, judge me by how look. If someone talked to me like that, I would have been broken in to pieces. I am a strong woman. But like everyone I do also have an inferiority complex. No matter how much I tell myself I am beautiful, if someone called me ‘a fat @##” I think I would start crying.

Girls, lets support each other. Let’s remind each other that we are beautiful. If our friends forget how beautiful they are let us be the one to say “Hey you are beautiful, no matter what they say. You are beautiful in EVERY single way.”

Failure is not Fatal

Time passes by. People change. Sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. You go through series of events in life that were rather unexpected and may change your plan drastically. You may feel that nothing is going right and you are just failure in life. You may also feel lonely at times; that no one cares about you. It happens to the best of us. No matter how happy we are or how smooth our life is going, we will always come across an unexpected bumpy road. The question now is, will you just stop right before the bumpy road and hope that it will somehow just become smooth? Or will you take a detour and try to find a smoother road? Or will you try to make the best of it and find the smoothest path on the bumpy road.

Sir Winston Churchill once said that “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” For those going through the rough time, this may sound so ridiculous. It may not make any sense. It may feel like courage is hidden so deep under that it will never submerge back up to help you through the rough times. Trust me; I know this because I have felt it. Just about a year ago, I hit a bumpy road. To be completely honest I was depressed. I was ashamed. I felt worthless. I felt like a failure. I felt like a big disappointment to my parents. I felt like I failed my younger brother by not being such a great role model.

It may not seem as though I am still going through this bumpy road, but I am travelling it so I know. I feel that it will soon pass, but as of now, it is still bumpy. However, I have no complains. Where is the fun in life, if life is just one smooth path? Not until recently did I find the courage to embrace this challenge. Still at times my negativity clouds my perception. Even now, at times, that I think I am not good enough. Even now, I undermine my own capabilities. That is where my family and friends come in. Without all the support from my friends and family who kept reminding me that I am not a failure, this would have been more difficult than it is/ was.

This is not the time to quit. I am way too young to just give up on my dreams. I cannot wait for the path to just become smooth. It may take too long and I may not have that much time. This is also not the time to take a detour to find a smoother road. I have come down this path far too long to go back trying to finding a smoother road. I may get lost. So, I decided I will stay on the bumpy path. It can’t stay bumpy forever. So why not try to find the smoothest path along the bumpy road. What other options do I have other than to make the best of it?

If you can relate to me than you know exactly what I mean when I say 'courage is hidden so deep inside that you cannot see if it will ever submerge back up'. At this time the only people that can help you is yourself and your close ones. Without a support system, individually we are weak. Regardless of how strong or macho you think you are, you are nothing without your support system. Whether it’s your family or your best friend or that special someone, you need someone who believes in you; someone, who can remind you to believe in yourself. You need that one person who says “hey, you can do it” when you feel like giving up. You need that one person who says “hey, you are smart” when you feel dumb. You need that one person who says “hey, take a deep breath and smile” when all you want to do is cry.

For me this one person came in a form of a friend, and became so much more than just a friend in such a short little while. You know who you are. I wanted to let you know how special you are to me. Thank you for reminding me that I can do what I set out to do. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for making me believe in myself. Thank you for having the faith in me, the faith that I had somehow lost. Thank you for everything. I hope that you will continue to be by my side lifting my spirits up when I'm down. And I hope I can have the same effect on you. 

Future may seem dark. Success may seem faded. But you know you are much stronger than that. You will get through the rough times regardless of how rough it is. Trust me. The bump in the road will eventually subside. Just surround yourself with the people you love. Keep your head up high. If you fall, get back up, dust yourself off, and try again. Don’t try to please everyone. Do the things that you want to do, not what others expect of you; because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter won’t mind. Believe in yourself because I believe in you. Your family believes in you. Your true friends believe in you. And remember “Failure is success if we learn from it.” - Malcolm Forbes

I will leave you with the words by one of my favourite actress Marilyn Monroe: “I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they’re right. You believe in lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself. And sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together”