Follow Your Dreams!

I just read a series of tweets, tweeted by someone very close to me. I guess what she wrote didn’t really surprise me, but I still felt like I need to give my opinion. The tweet said somewhere along the lines of how brown people (referring to people from South Asian descent) do everything only to make their parents happy and not for themselves [not the exact wording]. I agree that most ‘brown’ youth feel that they are limited. They feel like they have to tuck their dreams away and fulfill their parent’s wishes. And most ‘brown’ youth can relate when I say that their parents wanted them to be a doctor, a lawyer, or an engineer. Besides those three professions, everything else was not acceptable.

I, myself, am from South Asian descent. And I guess I kind of understand what they feel. But I am also a girl living in the 21^st century. I know that I can dream big, and work to make my dreams come true. I believe that no one is limited. Every single person has the ability to reach for the stars. You don’t have to tuck your dreams away and take on a journey to please your parents. When you parents say that they want you to be a doctor, a lawyer, or an engineer, it is just their way of dreaming big for you. They are your parents and of course they want you to succeed. But that’s the thing right there… They want you to SUCCEED. It can be anything that you want to do. If you want to be a singer, and you are truly passionate about it and you know that you can succeed, then do not tell me your parents are stopping you. Because that’s one big fat lie. Yes I see a lot of youth taking on a field of study because they feel obligated to make their parents happy. But Really? Because if I was to go into engineering to make my parents happy, man I would have failed miserably.

With brown parents it can be a little tricky. Most are still very old fashioned and traditional. They believe that they know what’s best for you. And to an extent they do. Because of their old fashioned and traditional beliefs, brown youths are too scared to open up to them. They are too scared to tell them “No I despise Mathematics, I really love Psychology” or whatever. And that’s where things go wrong. If you cannot open up to your parents about what your likes and dislikes are, how you expect them to support you with your decision. Really try connecting with your parents. Lay out your case to them. Tell them that you hate whatever they want you to pursue... and that you will fail no matter how hard you try because it is just not where your heart is at. Talk to them. Try to tell them your point of you. And come back to me to tell me how it went. No parents want to see their child fail. If you explain to them your point of view, I am sure that they will support you in whatever you want to do.

Life is too short to be living it for someone else. I am not saying rebel against everything your parents say. Because that will truly make them unhappy. But if they are forcing you to do something that you really don’t want to do… in terms of pursuing a certain field of study, then I say: speak up. Speak up for what you believe in and what you are passionate about. Speak up for your rights of pursuing your dreams. Don’t let your parents dictate your path of life. Ultimately you will be living it for the rest of your life… so it better be worth living. You don’t want to go 10 or 15 years down the road and be despising your parents because you didn’t have it in you to speak up to follow your dreams. It is easy to blame parents for not having the courage. But that’s just it... its lack of courage. Because if you are truly passionate about something, you cannot be blaming your parents. So my darling friends. Stop saying that you are doing things for your parents. Whatever you are doing... you are doing it cause you chose to do it. You are doing it because either you didn’t have it in you to speak up for your beliefs… or you thought that you could eventually fall in love with whatever it may be.

At this point… if you are already pursuing something that you don’t want to… then guess what? IT IS NOT TOO LATE. You can leave whatever you are doing and start fresh. You can pursue your dreams. Because it will better that you realize that you will not be happy now than 10 or 15 years down the road.

This goes out too everyone who feel that they have tucked their dreams away to pursue their parents’ wishes. You have my blessing. Speak up for your beliefs and really follow YOUR dreams.

Just Let It Go.

There have been instances in my life where people closest to me have hurt me. Only those that are close to you have the ability to hurt you. It may be something they have said. It may be something they have done. It may be the facial expression or the unspoken words. It may be a trust that was broken. It may be a bond or relationship that was devalued. Whatever it may be, we have all been hurt at one point or another.

A lot of time, when we get hurt, our reaction is probably to be angry. And at the time, anger is totally acceptable. After all, someone you were close to, or someone you least expected, hurt you. But the question is, how long should you be angry?

Some people are good at forgiving and forgetting. While for others that concept of forgiving and forgetting seems impossible.

This concept is much easier said than done. We may be so hurt, that the thought of forgiveness may sound ridiculous. But forgiving is the way to let it go. It’s something of the past, why let it drag over into your present and future. Remembering that instance, or holding a grudge not only ruins your mood, it also increases your stress. It’s not important to know why they hurt you. What’s the point in questioning why when the event already took place? What good is it going to do to you? Sure you may get some closure, but will finding out the why take away how you felt. Probably not. So just let it go. If they have not apologized for hurting you, they probably haven’t realized that they have hurt you. And if they have already apologized, they are probably feeling guilty for their behaviour.

There was a girl I use to know. She used to be my best friend from grade eight to well into high school. I thought our friendship was so strong that even the deadliest storm wouldn't be able to break us apart. She was the one person I use to tell all my secrets and shared all my feelings. She was the one person I thought with whom I could truly be myself, and I would never be judged. We use to be so close, that we were pretty much together all of the spare times in school and in the evenings either at her house or mine or on the phone. We had done so many stupid things together. And we use to laugh till we’d almost pee in our pants. She was my best friend. But then one event just changed everything. I no longer had a best friend. My final year, which was going to be my most memorable year of my life, was something that I don’t even want to remember. I mean yes I did have other friends. But no one else can replace your best friend. And I think this incident also had some effect on my studies. Because I went from being high 80s to low 90s student to being an average 70s student on the year that was most important for my future. I am not blaming her for what happened with my grades, but just saying that it emotionally destroyed me to the point where my mental state was affected. All of grade 12 was very blah. We saw each other and we were friendly enough throughout the year. It was a decision she made that broke our friendship. For a while, I did blame her. My final year of high school was horrible, and I did blame her. Although I had pretended to forgive, I hadn't. I couldn't. I wanted to but couldn't. She did apologize. But at the time, I felt those apologies were said for the sake of just saying it. I was extremely hurt. We didn't speak to each other. It wasn't the same anymore. Like I said earlier, at that point I didn't have a best friend. I didn't have anyone to share my feelings with. We parted after grade 12. She went to a different school. I went to a different school. We had common friends, but that wasn't enough to mend what was broken. As I stared my undergraduate studies, there used to be times, where I really needed a friend to talk to. But I had no one. I felt lonely. At this time, I would remember how my best friend hurt me in the past. This would bring so many emotions back that I would be hurt again in the present time. At that point I knew I couldn't let this keep dragging forward. That was when I really talked to my self. Sometimes during the first year of undergrad, I really brought myself to forgive her. Because holding the grudge meant that I kept getting hurt for something that had happened in the past. Holding a grudge meant letting negative energy cloud my perception. Holding a grudge meant letting my heart physically ache every time I thought about her or the incident. I had to let it go. So I reflected on the situation. That’s when I realized, it really wasn't her fault. It wasn't my fault either. It was just the situation we happened to be in at the time. I wish I could have gone back in time and told my grade 12 self, really forgive her, it’s not her fault. But that can’t be done. Only once I had truly forgiven he I could think about her and all the memories we had made during the short years of our friendship, and not have tears rolling down my face. I had forgiven her, before she apologized. I knew she would have apologized sooner or later. Because, once we grow older, we become mature; and our childish immature actions come to light. We realize what we have done and apologize. So, I knew sooner or later she would have apologized. So that’s why I forgave her. I wish there was a way I could have saved our friendship, but it was too late. We weren't in contact with each other.

It’s been over 7 years since this incident took place. And about 6 months ago, she reached out to me again through Facebook and apologized. I had already forgiven her. But it touched me that she reached out again. I am not such a great Facebook user. I kept meaning to send a response, but ended up sending it three months later. I hope that didn't send the wrong message. Because I really do want her to know I have truly forgiven her. I really wish there was a way we could be friends again. I am sure, if we tried and if we both want it we can be friends again. It may not be a pick it up where we left of kind of friendship, but it would definitely be a start. Respect and trust, once broken has to be earned back again. And I'm sure that if we tried, and both put in our efforts, we could be friends again. Only time can tell.

The point of this wordy story is. Don’t hold grudges. It doesn't do you any good. It only increases your stress level and emotionally eats you. As hard as it may, reflect on the incident where you have been hurt. Try to look at it from the angle of the person that hurt you; it may not have been intentional. You may be able to find some closure. Just let it go. Forgive. Even if you think you may never be able to have any form of relationship with that person, just let it go. Because that is the start. Time heals everything. Who knows, time may heal that relationship as well.

Forgive And Forget.

Okay. Ranting time. This blog is going to be very vague, but I need to rant. - Ignore and spelling of grammar mistakes: just need rant and let this energy out..

Why is it that some people are so ungrateful? You put your heart and soul into making something in hopes of a little appreciation, and instead you get comments that show how low the person thinks of you. It breaks my heart. No scratch that, it honestly pisses me off.  

Sometimes, no matter how much I do for a person, (and I do it because I want to do it, because it comes from my heart, and not because I am obligated to do it), it is so wrongly interpreted that it honestly breaks my heart. You know as much as they may think that I am obligated to do things that I have done, I really am not. I didn’t have to do what I did; I did it because I wanted to do it. But no, some people can’t appreciate it.

It’s so sad. For a while there it actually made me very angry. I was actually going to expel my anger at the person. But then I held back. What’s the point? Because the more I talk about it, the more it would have pissed me off. There is no point on losing my temper. Why waste my time and fill myself with negative energy on people who aren’t worth such efforts.

What I did came from my heart. And how much that person appreciated it was clearly displayed by what came out of their mouth. I will continue to do what my heart tells me to do. I will continue respecting elders and others because that’s what I have been taught, regardless of how I am treated. Because those who see the true efforts will appreciate it regardless of how small it may be. Those who are oblivious will never understand of the value. Their thought process is influenced by their character. You can tell a lot about a person by just the things they say, and the words they chose.

Forgive and Forget. Let them have a fresh start each time.