Follow Your Dreams!

I just read a series of tweets, tweeted by someone very close to me. I guess what she wrote didn’t really surprise me, but I still felt like I need to give my opinion. The tweet said somewhere along the lines of how brown people (referring to people from South Asian descent) do everything only to make their parents happy and not for themselves [not the exact wording]. I agree that most ‘brown’ youth feel that they are limited. They feel like they have to tuck their dreams away and fulfill their parent’s wishes. And most ‘brown’ youth can relate when I say that their parents wanted them to be a doctor, a lawyer, or an engineer. Besides those three professions, everything else was not acceptable.

I, myself, am from South Asian descent. And I guess I kind of understand what they feel. But I am also a girl living in the 21^st century. I know that I can dream big, and work to make my dreams come true. I believe that no one is limited. Every single person has the ability to reach for the stars. You don’t have to tuck your dreams away and take on a journey to please your parents. When you parents say that they want you to be a doctor, a lawyer, or an engineer, it is just their way of dreaming big for you. They are your parents and of course they want you to succeed. But that’s the thing right there… They want you to SUCCEED. It can be anything that you want to do. If you want to be a singer, and you are truly passionate about it and you know that you can succeed, then do not tell me your parents are stopping you. Because that’s one big fat lie. Yes I see a lot of youth taking on a field of study because they feel obligated to make their parents happy. But Really? Because if I was to go into engineering to make my parents happy, man I would have failed miserably.

With brown parents it can be a little tricky. Most are still very old fashioned and traditional. They believe that they know what’s best for you. And to an extent they do. Because of their old fashioned and traditional beliefs, brown youths are too scared to open up to them. They are too scared to tell them “No I despise Mathematics, I really love Psychology” or whatever. And that’s where things go wrong. If you cannot open up to your parents about what your likes and dislikes are, how you expect them to support you with your decision. Really try connecting with your parents. Lay out your case to them. Tell them that you hate whatever they want you to pursue... and that you will fail no matter how hard you try because it is just not where your heart is at. Talk to them. Try to tell them your point of you. And come back to me to tell me how it went. No parents want to see their child fail. If you explain to them your point of view, I am sure that they will support you in whatever you want to do.

Life is too short to be living it for someone else. I am not saying rebel against everything your parents say. Because that will truly make them unhappy. But if they are forcing you to do something that you really don’t want to do… in terms of pursuing a certain field of study, then I say: speak up. Speak up for what you believe in and what you are passionate about. Speak up for your rights of pursuing your dreams. Don’t let your parents dictate your path of life. Ultimately you will be living it for the rest of your life… so it better be worth living. You don’t want to go 10 or 15 years down the road and be despising your parents because you didn’t have it in you to speak up to follow your dreams. It is easy to blame parents for not having the courage. But that’s just it... its lack of courage. Because if you are truly passionate about something, you cannot be blaming your parents. So my darling friends. Stop saying that you are doing things for your parents. Whatever you are doing... you are doing it cause you chose to do it. You are doing it because either you didn’t have it in you to speak up for your beliefs… or you thought that you could eventually fall in love with whatever it may be.

At this point… if you are already pursuing something that you don’t want to… then guess what? IT IS NOT TOO LATE. You can leave whatever you are doing and start fresh. You can pursue your dreams. Because it will better that you realize that you will not be happy now than 10 or 15 years down the road.

This goes out too everyone who feel that they have tucked their dreams away to pursue their parents’ wishes. You have my blessing. Speak up for your beliefs and really follow YOUR dreams.

Just Let It Go.

There have been instances in my life where people closest to me have hurt me. Only those that are close to you have the ability to hurt you. It may be something they have said. It may be something they have done. It may be the facial expression or the unspoken words. It may be a trust that was broken. It may be a bond or relationship that was devalued. Whatever it may be, we have all been hurt at one point or another.

A lot of time, when we get hurt, our reaction is probably to be angry. And at the time, anger is totally acceptable. After all, someone you were close to, or someone you least expected, hurt you. But the question is, how long should you be angry?

Some people are good at forgiving and forgetting. While for others that concept of forgiving and forgetting seems impossible.

This concept is much easier said than done. We may be so hurt, that the thought of forgiveness may sound ridiculous. But forgiving is the way to let it go. It’s something of the past, why let it drag over into your present and future. Remembering that instance, or holding a grudge not only ruins your mood, it also increases your stress. It’s not important to know why they hurt you. What’s the point in questioning why when the event already took place? What good is it going to do to you? Sure you may get some closure, but will finding out the why take away how you felt. Probably not. So just let it go. If they have not apologized for hurting you, they probably haven’t realized that they have hurt you. And if they have already apologized, they are probably feeling guilty for their behaviour.

There was a girl I use to know. She used to be my best friend from grade eight to well into high school. I thought our friendship was so strong that even the deadliest storm wouldn't be able to break us apart. She was the one person I use to tell all my secrets and shared all my feelings. She was the one person I thought with whom I could truly be myself, and I would never be judged. We use to be so close, that we were pretty much together all of the spare times in school and in the evenings either at her house or mine or on the phone. We had done so many stupid things together. And we use to laugh till we’d almost pee in our pants. She was my best friend. But then one event just changed everything. I no longer had a best friend. My final year, which was going to be my most memorable year of my life, was something that I don’t even want to remember. I mean yes I did have other friends. But no one else can replace your best friend. And I think this incident also had some effect on my studies. Because I went from being high 80s to low 90s student to being an average 70s student on the year that was most important for my future. I am not blaming her for what happened with my grades, but just saying that it emotionally destroyed me to the point where my mental state was affected. All of grade 12 was very blah. We saw each other and we were friendly enough throughout the year. It was a decision she made that broke our friendship. For a while, I did blame her. My final year of high school was horrible, and I did blame her. Although I had pretended to forgive, I hadn't. I couldn't. I wanted to but couldn't. She did apologize. But at the time, I felt those apologies were said for the sake of just saying it. I was extremely hurt. We didn't speak to each other. It wasn't the same anymore. Like I said earlier, at that point I didn't have a best friend. I didn't have anyone to share my feelings with. We parted after grade 12. She went to a different school. I went to a different school. We had common friends, but that wasn't enough to mend what was broken. As I stared my undergraduate studies, there used to be times, where I really needed a friend to talk to. But I had no one. I felt lonely. At this time, I would remember how my best friend hurt me in the past. This would bring so many emotions back that I would be hurt again in the present time. At that point I knew I couldn't let this keep dragging forward. That was when I really talked to my self. Sometimes during the first year of undergrad, I really brought myself to forgive her. Because holding the grudge meant that I kept getting hurt for something that had happened in the past. Holding a grudge meant letting negative energy cloud my perception. Holding a grudge meant letting my heart physically ache every time I thought about her or the incident. I had to let it go. So I reflected on the situation. That’s when I realized, it really wasn't her fault. It wasn't my fault either. It was just the situation we happened to be in at the time. I wish I could have gone back in time and told my grade 12 self, really forgive her, it’s not her fault. But that can’t be done. Only once I had truly forgiven he I could think about her and all the memories we had made during the short years of our friendship, and not have tears rolling down my face. I had forgiven her, before she apologized. I knew she would have apologized sooner or later. Because, once we grow older, we become mature; and our childish immature actions come to light. We realize what we have done and apologize. So, I knew sooner or later she would have apologized. So that’s why I forgave her. I wish there was a way I could have saved our friendship, but it was too late. We weren't in contact with each other.

It’s been over 7 years since this incident took place. And about 6 months ago, she reached out to me again through Facebook and apologized. I had already forgiven her. But it touched me that she reached out again. I am not such a great Facebook user. I kept meaning to send a response, but ended up sending it three months later. I hope that didn't send the wrong message. Because I really do want her to know I have truly forgiven her. I really wish there was a way we could be friends again. I am sure, if we tried and if we both want it we can be friends again. It may not be a pick it up where we left of kind of friendship, but it would definitely be a start. Respect and trust, once broken has to be earned back again. And I'm sure that if we tried, and both put in our efforts, we could be friends again. Only time can tell.

The point of this wordy story is. Don’t hold grudges. It doesn't do you any good. It only increases your stress level and emotionally eats you. As hard as it may, reflect on the incident where you have been hurt. Try to look at it from the angle of the person that hurt you; it may not have been intentional. You may be able to find some closure. Just let it go. Forgive. Even if you think you may never be able to have any form of relationship with that person, just let it go. Because that is the start. Time heals everything. Who knows, time may heal that relationship as well.

Forgive And Forget.

Okay. Ranting time. This blog is going to be very vague, but I need to rant. - Ignore and spelling of grammar mistakes: just need rant and let this energy out..

Why is it that some people are so ungrateful? You put your heart and soul into making something in hopes of a little appreciation, and instead you get comments that show how low the person thinks of you. It breaks my heart. No scratch that, it honestly pisses me off.  

Sometimes, no matter how much I do for a person, (and I do it because I want to do it, because it comes from my heart, and not because I am obligated to do it), it is so wrongly interpreted that it honestly breaks my heart. You know as much as they may think that I am obligated to do things that I have done, I really am not. I didn’t have to do what I did; I did it because I wanted to do it. But no, some people can’t appreciate it.

It’s so sad. For a while there it actually made me very angry. I was actually going to expel my anger at the person. But then I held back. What’s the point? Because the more I talk about it, the more it would have pissed me off. There is no point on losing my temper. Why waste my time and fill myself with negative energy on people who aren’t worth such efforts.

What I did came from my heart. And how much that person appreciated it was clearly displayed by what came out of their mouth. I will continue to do what my heart tells me to do. I will continue respecting elders and others because that’s what I have been taught, regardless of how I am treated. Because those who see the true efforts will appreciate it regardless of how small it may be. Those who are oblivious will never understand of the value. Their thought process is influenced by their character. You can tell a lot about a person by just the things they say, and the words they chose.

Forgive and Forget. Let them have a fresh start each time.

You are Beautiful, No matter what they say!

Beauty comes in all shapes, sizes, and colours. Dictionary.com defines beauty as “the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, colour, sound, etc), a meaningful design or patter, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).”

We live in a society so influenced by the media, that most of us have forgotten the definition of beauty. Turn on the TV, flip the pages of magazines or take a look at the billboards around the city all you see is size DOUBLE ZERO models. And if you are anything other than a size double zero, 5 foot 7, and have flawless skin that is nice and tan, there is something seriously wrong with you. Or at least that’s what the media tries to portray. That’s the sad reality. Girls from a very young age get the idea that beauty is being skinny. And for those who don’t fit into this category, which is the majority of us, will develop insecurities. As ridiculous as that sounds, it is very true. We grow up believing that if we are not skinny then we are not pretty. Since when did being thin begin to define the word beauty?

How common is it to hear girls saying “I am so short”, “I am too dark”, “I don’t like my thighs”, “If only I was 20 lbs lighter”. Okay they may not say it out loud in public, but I think it’s safe to say that they are constantly saying this to themselves and putting themselves down.

Media has been portraying girls that are ‘size zero” “tall” and “lean” being the new ‘beautiful’. This creates an enormous inferiority complex on each and every single normal girl. What is portrayed in media as being sexy or beautiful, is nowhere near what reality holds. It is actually disgusting to be that skinny. Nobody has flawless skin including those models themselves. When we look at a billboard model with that flawless skin, and the body to die for, us girls, generally forget that those pictures have probably gone through photoshop at least a couple of time. We automatically go “wow she is beautiful”, and “I will never be able to look like that.” We put ourselves down and probably become depressed for a little while.

Sometimes it is not about how media makes us feel about ourselves, but about the image that media makes society believe is the ‘right’ image. What I mean by that is: because media portrays size zero as the norm, now people expect you to be really thin; if not, you are called various derogatory names and bullied. Girls are mean to other girls. It makes them forget that beauty is NOT just skin deep.

It is no wonder that rates for depression and eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa is still so prevalent among young adolescent girls. And it’s no surprise that media is probably the number one contributor. If we are not putting ourselves down, others are. Either way, we feel bad about ourselves, hate our body and take drastic measures to try and fit in with the norm.

Us girls, need to remember that we are beautiful. It doesn't matter if you are size 0, or size 10, or heck even size 16 and above, we have to stop and let our dress size define the word beautiful. We have to stop putting down on other girls who are beautiful.

Don’t get me wrong, being overweight is not healthy, and neither is being underweight. But being overweight or underweight has nothing to do with being beautiful. Each and every one of us possesses the quality of being beautiful. We just have to believe it. We have to look at ourselves and say I am beautiful, no matter what they say. Because it’s true. We need to stop falling in the traps that media has created. If you are a little over weight, and want to shed a few pounds than bravo to you, that’s beauty in itself. But do it for the health benefits, not because you think it’s going to make you beautiful. Because darling you already are beautiful.

Today, I was just minding my own business and studying at the library. And I could not believe what I witnessed. A girl bullying another girl. One girl, a little chubbier, was sitting on a chair that was pulled out blocking the path way. So the skinnier girl who wanted to pass through said “move it fat @##.” Why are we so mean to each other? It was so heart breaking. The girl packed up her stuff and left the library. I cannot imagine what she must have felt when she heard another girl similar to her age group, talk to her in such a derogatory way.

 I am by no means skinny, and yes I probably need to shed a couple pounds to be healthier. But you know what, that doesn't define my beauty. How can someone who doesn't know me, judge me by how look. If someone talked to me like that, I would have been broken in to pieces. I am a strong woman. But like everyone I do also have an inferiority complex. No matter how much I tell myself I am beautiful, if someone called me ‘a fat @##” I think I would start crying.

Girls, lets support each other. Let’s remind each other that we are beautiful. If our friends forget how beautiful they are let us be the one to say “Hey you are beautiful, no matter what they say. You are beautiful in EVERY single way.”

Failure is not Fatal

Time passes by. People change. Sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. You go through series of events in life that were rather unexpected and may change your plan drastically. You may feel that nothing is going right and you are just failure in life. You may also feel lonely at times; that no one cares about you. It happens to the best of us. No matter how happy we are or how smooth our life is going, we will always come across an unexpected bumpy road. The question now is, will you just stop right before the bumpy road and hope that it will somehow just become smooth? Or will you take a detour and try to find a smoother road? Or will you try to make the best of it and find the smoothest path on the bumpy road.

Sir Winston Churchill once said that “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” For those going through the rough time, this may sound so ridiculous. It may not make any sense. It may feel like courage is hidden so deep under that it will never submerge back up to help you through the rough times. Trust me; I know this because I have felt it. Just about a year ago, I hit a bumpy road. To be completely honest I was depressed. I was ashamed. I felt worthless. I felt like a failure. I felt like a big disappointment to my parents. I felt like I failed my younger brother by not being such a great role model.

It may not seem as though I am still going through this bumpy road, but I am travelling it so I know. I feel that it will soon pass, but as of now, it is still bumpy. However, I have no complains. Where is the fun in life, if life is just one smooth path? Not until recently did I find the courage to embrace this challenge. Still at times my negativity clouds my perception. Even now, at times, that I think I am not good enough. Even now, I undermine my own capabilities. That is where my family and friends come in. Without all the support from my friends and family who kept reminding me that I am not a failure, this would have been more difficult than it is/ was.

This is not the time to quit. I am way too young to just give up on my dreams. I cannot wait for the path to just become smooth. It may take too long and I may not have that much time. This is also not the time to take a detour to find a smoother road. I have come down this path far too long to go back trying to finding a smoother road. I may get lost. So, I decided I will stay on the bumpy path. It can’t stay bumpy forever. So why not try to find the smoothest path along the bumpy road. What other options do I have other than to make the best of it?

If you can relate to me than you know exactly what I mean when I say 'courage is hidden so deep inside that you cannot see if it will ever submerge back up'. At this time the only people that can help you is yourself and your close ones. Without a support system, individually we are weak. Regardless of how strong or macho you think you are, you are nothing without your support system. Whether it’s your family or your best friend or that special someone, you need someone who believes in you; someone, who can remind you to believe in yourself. You need that one person who says “hey, you can do it” when you feel like giving up. You need that one person who says “hey, you are smart” when you feel dumb. You need that one person who says “hey, take a deep breath and smile” when all you want to do is cry.

For me this one person came in a form of a friend, and became so much more than just a friend in such a short little while. You know who you are. I wanted to let you know how special you are to me. Thank you for reminding me that I can do what I set out to do. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for making me believe in myself. Thank you for having the faith in me, the faith that I had somehow lost. Thank you for everything. I hope that you will continue to be by my side lifting my spirits up when I'm down. And I hope I can have the same effect on you. 

Future may seem dark. Success may seem faded. But you know you are much stronger than that. You will get through the rough times regardless of how rough it is. Trust me. The bump in the road will eventually subside. Just surround yourself with the people you love. Keep your head up high. If you fall, get back up, dust yourself off, and try again. Don’t try to please everyone. Do the things that you want to do, not what others expect of you; because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter won’t mind. Believe in yourself because I believe in you. Your family believes in you. Your true friends believe in you. And remember “Failure is success if we learn from it.” - Malcolm Forbes

I will leave you with the words by one of my favourite actress Marilyn Monroe: “I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they’re right. You believe in lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself. And sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together”

Open Your Eyes.

Now a days, I hear most single people (people I know that are single) saying "oh I want a girlfriend" or "oh I want a boyfriend". Really? Is being in an relationship that important to you? Yes I get it, having that significant other makes things that much more significant.. but just because you want it does not mean you will get it. In the mean time why don't you do something significant? - Look around you, you will find 1000s of things that you could help out with.

When was the last time you thought, oh I really want to make someones day today? I am guessing - close to never. We are so preoccupied with our own selves that we neglect see that there are other things that we could do.

We often say we want to make a difference in this world, but when was the last time you actually took this seriously? There are many discrepancies that plague our lives. What we think vs. what we say. What we say vs. what we do. But it always stays that at. We say we want to help out but very few of us actually say that and set out to help. If you are getting offended by this statement because you are one of the few that take actions to help out, then hats off to you - you set the example for the rest of us.

However, I think I do my part in making a difference. Making a difference does not have to be at the world wide level. Look around you, in your country, in your city, in your community, in your neighbourhood, you will find hundreds of things that you can do to make a difference. When I see an elderly standing in the bus and I am sitting, I do my part and stand up to give the seat for the elderly; when I see a blind man trying to find the Subway restaurant, I do my part by guiding them to the Subway restaurant in a busy mall food court. I do these things because, I enjoy hearing thank you from people. It satisfies me to know that some people are thankful to my gestures.

But this is not the only way you could help out.

Open your eyes, I am sure there are many awareness campaigns in your community that you can take part in, to make a difference. If you don't find one, then start your own. Who said that in order to raise awareness you had to have that particular organization in your community. If you don't find one, start up your own awareness campaign. No one will go against you.

Take part in an awareness campaign. Start your own awareness campaign. Volunteer at a homeless shelter. Volunteer at a food bank. Next time you see an elderly standing on the bus, give your seat to them. I am sure when you are their age, you will appreciate if someone gave you their seat.

I really want to organize an awareness campaign for child poverty, in my neighbourhood this coming summer. I have been wanting to do this for a very long time, But this year I will try my best to make it happen. Its hard trying to organize things like this on your own. Hopefully my friends and family support me and with their help I will be able to pull it off.

Don't mope around doing nothing, the smallest things can make the biggest difference. So Open Your Eyes.

Crossing the Line.

I may be a little biased writing this, but I feel that people should really open themselves just a little. True, I am a nursing student. But I am also a citizen of this world. And so is each and every other human being in this world. So doesn’t everyone deserve the same respect and dignity?

Okay, I will probably get a thousand questions asked for that last sentence I wrote; questioning me about the criminals. Do criminals deserve the same respect and dignity as others? I say, if they were in their conscious mind when they committed the crime, then NO, they don't deserve the same dignity and respect as others. But I am not talking about criminals here. I am talking about the poor, the homeless.

We often ignore the people on the streets. We notice the pretty colours on the stores’ windows; we notice the nice poster for the up-coming movies; BUT we never take the time to notice these people living in the street. This is because we cave into the stigma associated with the people on the streets. We see ONE homeless person being rude, loud, using vulgar language, and being violent; and we automatically apply this image to ALL other homeless on the streets. Is it fair for the rest of them to have to walk around with this label caused by one homeless person? I guess its human nature to do this as we do it so often.

People are scared to go near a homeless person. WHY? They have nothing on them. No roof over their heads, no food to eat, no change of clothes. So why are you scared of them? They can’t harm you.

I am so thankful, that I decided to apply for this placement for my school. Because I have learned so much, beyond what my school expected me to learn. I have to be completely honest here. I guess, before I took this placement I had caved into the stigma too. But now my eyes are opened. I have been exposed to their lifestyle, and it saddens me to see how some people react when they come across a homeless person.

The last time I was doing the homeless out reach, I was noticing the expressions of the people who passed by. I, along with a colleague and a staff of this organization (not mentioned for privacy reasons), were talking to this one homeless person on the streets. And no lie, EVERY single person who passed by us gave us a look. A look that portrayed “what are you doing talking to that homeless guy”. It was a look that said “oh no, you have crossed the line”.

WHAT LINE? How can you create a line there? Are they not a person? Are they not human being? Are they not a citizen of this world? Sure, they do not have roof over their heads. Sure, they don’t have food to eat. Sure, instead of worrying about what to wear, they worry about whether or not it’s going to rain during the night. But does that change the fact that they are still a human being that needs to breathe and eat to survive?

People usually create an imaginary line in their everyday life; usually to stop themselves from doing something they will regret. The truth is we all do it. We all draw lines in our lives to prevent ourselves from doing something wrong. And that is perfectly understandable. But, doesn’t it sound ridiculous that it is okay to smile at those walking by in the streets, but not okay to even look at those living in the streets? Smiling at a homeless person and saying hello is not something that you will regret. Smiling and saying hello to these people is not a mistake. In fact, next time you walk by a homeless person, say hello. Ask them how their day is going. If they are panhandling, ask them how their business is going. It is perfectly legal to panhandle in Canada. I am not asking you to give them money if they are panhandling. Because I don't believe that the money they get from panhandling goes to food. Most homeless people do have addiction problems. And although you should respect and let them do what they want to do with the money, I suggest you don't give money because it is most likely going to their addiction problem and not to food. BUT just talk to them, make their day. They don’t have anyone else to talk with. And if someone says hello to them I’m sure they will appreciate it.

Don’t draw a line where the line is not needed. Because it is not a mistake to put a smile on a homeless person’s face. And if you have already drawn that line, then go ahead CROSS THE LINE. You'll see this won't be something you'll regret.